Forza Motorsport and The Professional Slump

Here is another two-part entry, as if it weren't evident. First part is about Forza Motorsport 2, a new Xbox 360 game which I have been trying to play whenever I can. The second part is about my career inactivity and some other emotional nonsense. Take what you want, leave the rest.

If you like racing simulator games, go buy Forza Motorsport 2. Did you play any of the Gran Turismo series? Do you have an Xbox 360? Do you like good games? Well go buy it then. When it comes to racing sims (A genre of games in which I would say I am quite knowledgeable) there are a few aspects of the game I see as being more critical than others. Track design and physics are the two most important. Graphics, music, game modes and everything is worthless if the game lacks good tracks and a solid physics engine, and Forza has both. The track design is easy, most of the tracks are true-to-life replicas of some of my favorite tracks. Road Atlanta, Sebring, Suzuka, Laguna Seca, and the big poppy Nurburgring are just a few of the wonderful selection of licensed tracks. On top of those quality entries, the in-house designed tracks are solid. They have a variety of turns that require skill without seeming nonsensical. Good examples of games with nonsensical tracks is so-called racing sim the Project Gotham Racing series. The tracks are obviously designed by someone whom has never raced a car.

The physics are solid. The car acts and reacts like it should. There isn't more to be said about this, if you like your racing games to be simulation-esque, then this fits the bill. The best part though, is that these two solid elements are just the core of an exceptional title all around. Forza has amazing multiplayer mode, customization of cars, career modes, music(Goldfrapp, NERD and The Chemical Brothers!) graphics, the whole lot. Forza is exactly what I want in a racing sim. If you like these games, buy it.

On to part two.

My best friend and I seem to have weekly talks about my job station. Normally it is a multiple hour talk fueled by cigarettes, beer and countless cutting rejoinders to each point. A grudgematch of intellects, doing everything possible to truly breakdown what it is going on in my skull. As much as I do argue with him in these conversations, I do appreciate everything he has to say from his perspective. Given that we have different outlooks on life and the limitations thereof, I enjoy hearing what he has to say regarding my situation.

The problem is my drive, my lack of motivation. I look at most of my friends and they have something that drives them. The aforementioned friend wants to be a doctor. He doesn't want to be a doctor because of a desire for money, but as a result of a family tragedy. He knows he can do a better job than many doctors and wants to help people. Another friend of mine wants to write horror fiction, and as such he writes often. If even just for the sake or writing, it is his goal, something he is working towards. Yet another friend wants to be a publisher. Even without being in that industry, she has met people, made connections and has a bit of a plan to work towards that goal. I do not have that goal, and that ultimately is the reason for this career slump.

I have no clue what I want to do, and that is terrifying. The question I have is "How do I find what I want to do?" and I believe it is a valid concern. Is it through attrition, a life of different jobs trying to find which one fits? Will I be put in an extraordinary situation, and from it draw a pursuit? Maybe it will be a chance encounter. Who knows, I sure as hell don't. I think I need to change some things however, to keep things fresh in life. I believe that my largest problem with change is the almighty dollar. I use my financial situation(defcon 3) as an easy excuse to avoid change, putting it off until things are "better." I can not help but believe that if I found something that truly consumed me, I would make things work. In the end, money is just an abstract, a means to an end. If any person is driven enough, they can make it happen. Money is not an obstacle to overcome, but more of a tax on being alive, and as long as you can pay that tax, everything else is up to you. It's just a real bitch trying to unlearn twenty years of upbringing.

So with the idea that whatever happens I will be able to make the money situation work, it falls back on to one point, the passion. What do I enjoy doing so much that it could drive me to do things I see as irrational? What job would make me throw caution to the wind, go back to school and succumb to thousands more in debt? I would like to think if I already knew this I would have the presence of mind to realize it. I say that meaning that if I had stumbled upon something that would drive me to such lengths I would be able to realize that and pursue it. Thusly I think I have yet to discover my life's desire.

At this juncture, that is irrelevant. I need to try another job and see if it makes me happy. It may be a trivial pursuit, but it is a pursuit none the less.

And I have figured it out. I know what my little bit piece in my blog will be. The best part is I am not telling any readers, and a cookie to you if you figure it out.