Forza Motorsport and The Professional Slump

Here is another two-part entry, as if it weren't evident. First part is about Forza Motorsport 2, a new Xbox 360 game which I have been trying to play whenever I can. The second part is about my career inactivity and some other emotional nonsense. Take what you want, leave the rest.

If you like racing simulator games, go buy Forza Motorsport 2. Did you play any of the Gran Turismo series? Do you have an Xbox 360? Do you like good games? Well go buy it then. When it comes to racing sims (A genre of games in which I would say I am quite knowledgeable) there are a few aspects of the game I see as being more critical than others. Track design and physics are the two most important. Graphics, music, game modes and everything is worthless if the game lacks good tracks and a solid physics engine, and Forza has both. The track design is easy, most of the tracks are true-to-life replicas of some of my favorite tracks. Road Atlanta, Sebring, Suzuka, Laguna Seca, and the big poppy Nurburgring are just a few of the wonderful selection of licensed tracks. On top of those quality entries, the in-house designed tracks are solid. They have a variety of turns that require skill without seeming nonsensical. Good examples of games with nonsensical tracks is so-called racing sim the Project Gotham Racing series. The tracks are obviously designed by someone whom has never raced a car.

The physics are solid. The car acts and reacts like it should. There isn't more to be said about this, if you like your racing games to be simulation-esque, then this fits the bill. The best part though, is that these two solid elements are just the core of an exceptional title all around. Forza has amazing multiplayer mode, customization of cars, career modes, music(Goldfrapp, NERD and The Chemical Brothers!) graphics, the whole lot. Forza is exactly what I want in a racing sim. If you like these games, buy it.

On to part two.

My best friend and I seem to have weekly talks about my job station. Normally it is a multiple hour talk fueled by cigarettes, beer and countless cutting rejoinders to each point. A grudgematch of intellects, doing everything possible to truly breakdown what it is going on in my skull. As much as I do argue with him in these conversations, I do appreciate everything he has to say from his perspective. Given that we have different outlooks on life and the limitations thereof, I enjoy hearing what he has to say regarding my situation.

The problem is my drive, my lack of motivation. I look at most of my friends and they have something that drives them. The aforementioned friend wants to be a doctor. He doesn't want to be a doctor because of a desire for money, but as a result of a family tragedy. He knows he can do a better job than many doctors and wants to help people. Another friend of mine wants to write horror fiction, and as such he writes often. If even just for the sake or writing, it is his goal, something he is working towards. Yet another friend wants to be a publisher. Even without being in that industry, she has met people, made connections and has a bit of a plan to work towards that goal. I do not have that goal, and that ultimately is the reason for this career slump.

I have no clue what I want to do, and that is terrifying. The question I have is "How do I find what I want to do?" and I believe it is a valid concern. Is it through attrition, a life of different jobs trying to find which one fits? Will I be put in an extraordinary situation, and from it draw a pursuit? Maybe it will be a chance encounter. Who knows, I sure as hell don't. I think I need to change some things however, to keep things fresh in life. I believe that my largest problem with change is the almighty dollar. I use my financial situation(defcon 3) as an easy excuse to avoid change, putting it off until things are "better." I can not help but believe that if I found something that truly consumed me, I would make things work. In the end, money is just an abstract, a means to an end. If any person is driven enough, they can make it happen. Money is not an obstacle to overcome, but more of a tax on being alive, and as long as you can pay that tax, everything else is up to you. It's just a real bitch trying to unlearn twenty years of upbringing.

So with the idea that whatever happens I will be able to make the money situation work, it falls back on to one point, the passion. What do I enjoy doing so much that it could drive me to do things I see as irrational? What job would make me throw caution to the wind, go back to school and succumb to thousands more in debt? I would like to think if I already knew this I would have the presence of mind to realize it. I say that meaning that if I had stumbled upon something that would drive me to such lengths I would be able to realize that and pursue it. Thusly I think I have yet to discover my life's desire.

At this juncture, that is irrelevant. I need to try another job and see if it makes me happy. It may be a trivial pursuit, but it is a pursuit none the less.

And I have figured it out. I know what my little bit piece in my blog will be. The best part is I am not telling any readers, and a cookie to you if you figure it out.

Dream Theater and Some Such.

My favorite progressive metal band, Dream Theater, will be playing a large venue here in Dallas on August 2nd. I will be there, and if you have any inkling of an interest in highly technical music, or progressive rock at all I recommend you be there too. It is not an event to pass up I'm told.

I am going to quote Wikipedia real quick, because it defines this genre as well as I could hope to.

"Progressive metal is a subgenre of heavy metal music which blends the powerful, guitar-driven sound of metal with the complex compositional structures, odd time signatures, and intricate instrumental playing of progressive rock. Some progressive metal bands are also influenced by jazz fusion music. Like progressive rock songs, progressive metal songs are usually much longer than standard rock songs, and songs are often thematically linked in concept albums. As a result, progressive metal is rarely heard on mainstream radio and video programs."

There you have it, Prog Metal. The level of talent these people have not only in playing their respective instruments, but playing together is astounding. It's the entire reason I enjoy this genre of music. I am also a fan of concept albums, as I feel it is a lost art in the musicians of this era. (Making decent music is also lost on most bands of this decade, but that's another topic altogether) Dream Theater's albums "Images and Words" and "Octavarium" are perhaps my two favorite in their collection, and if you have an interest at all I recommend you start there. Their twenty-three minute ballad "Change of Seasons" off an album of the same name is also a musical powerhouse of audio expression.

To criticize them, their lyrics can be rather generic at times, but they flow with the music well enough that I do not care. When it comes to singers in bands, I always find myself enjoying bands who instead of making the lead singer and lyrics less of a focal point in the song, and instead treat it as another instrument. They strive to blend their singing with the melody, and produce a sound that I can lose myself in, without fumbling about seeking some meaning in their lyrics, therefore the generic lyrics do not bother me.

So hopefully if you have not heard of this band and have a vested interest in the heavier side of things, you can be convinced to give them a listen, and maybe even catch a show on their tour.

I guess I feel pretty good tonight. It was a bit of a wash of emotions, but none too fierce to truly toss me astray. It seems as if whatever curveball I get thrown at any given time, a good quiet drive through the city at night can melt away all tensions and unrest, and it has tonight. I'm not really in the proper mood for my usual eloquent inner monologues, I'm lacking inspiration of the sort. I hope this is no indication of emotional instability being a muse, but it wouldn't be terribly surprising given the amount of wonderful literature birthed on the edge of depression. Regardless, I can get back to that another night when I feel like it. This may seem like a pointless update to a reader, but to me I feel good, and that's something I see value in writing down.

An Update This Way Comes

I feel guilty, as if I have been cheating people out of an important opportunity to read something worthwhile on my blog.(No one reads it, and it has nothing worthwhile. Please don't let this irony be lost) In case you hadn't noticed, I have not been updating this. Life has been busier than usual lately, so these blog updates will most likely be spotty and not timely until things cool down. God only knows when that will be. So after much delay, I have something to say.

I am a big fan of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. I am convinced the love for competitive violence is linked to some primal instinct all predatory animals posess. Regardless of the why, I enjoy the UFC. With all the recent going-ons in the league, this has been a very entertaining year.

In the most recent pay-per-view event, defending light-heavyweight champion Chuck Lidell got knocked out by a newcomer to the UFC(but veteran to the sport) Quinton "Rampage" Jackson. This is the latest in a string of upsets this year. Starting with Rich Franklin losing to Silva, the belts for almost every single title (For some reason the lightweight champion hasn't had to defend his title, which probably shouldn't be his to begin with) have changed hands this year. This string of upsets has been entertaining to watch, but almost too convenient. I am not suggesting that fights have been fixed, but I believe the influx of talent from other mixed martial arts leagues has shown how limited the pool of fighters the UFC has been picking from is. Who in the current crop of fighters will be able to stand up to this new wave of fighters? My guess is that these titles will continue to change hands, and this will make the PPV fights worth watching. UFC 72 has a pretty dull fight card however (I'm not a Rich Franklin fan) but I'm sure I'll find a place to watch it regardless.

Large men beating each other silly aside, life has seemed to be a whirlwind of activity and interest, but the reality of it may be more dull than it feels. I have recently discovered that I have absolutely no faith in humanity as a whole. I assume most of the time that if someone can screw up they more than likely will. This ethos of mine is almost undressing in the manner of which it explains my actions, revealing more to my intentions and assumptions than most simple statements can. The fact that this statement can explain so much of my processes is unsettling, a fact in which itself is unsettling.

How is it then that the only thing I can think of that I truly want to do with my life is help other people? I believe that people are generally screw-ups, but I feel compelled and motivated to help people. If I truly thought that people will not change, and more often then not screw up why would I want to spend a life devoted to helping them? It's odd, but then again I am too. Hopefully I'll get around to figuring out if I want to work for a NPO or some other public service soon. I am very slow to change and I think that is a fault of mine I need to work on changing, especially if I ever want a real chance to live the nomadic lifestyle I dream about.

Well that's it for today, well right now I should say. I know if I begin to really delve in to the thoughts I have I could write a self-absorbed book. I will keep it short now, but this is only the tip of the iceberg in to the labyrinth of personal thought.