Okay so I lied, but only for now.

I'm sorry. I haven't had the time to do any of my updates in the flurry that is life right now, but rest assured that I'll get there. In the future you can expect stuff such as my prog rock/metal special, reviews of the new Rush album, Dream Theater song recommendations, a few movie reviews, and a write up with pictures of my (forthcoming) trip to New York City.

But right now, I just have to type a little. Not too much I promise, just bear with.

Life if crazy. I feel like I have an anchor to toss in the ocean, but no ship to connect it to. I am striving for solidarity in a world of uncertainty. And it sucks. I have a grad pay job that I cannot stand, but I just don't know what I'm missing enough to want it. I don't know what I want to do, but it sure as hell isn't what I'm doing. My need for security and love for stuff makes this job a necessity, at least for the right now. Fuck it, I wasn't meant to be doing this. I really don't believe in fate, so there is not some predetermined role in life that I have to be doing, but I know that if I have to do this job for another year I'll jump off something high.

I need to move somewhere else. I have nothing in this city, this state, hell this country that could keep me down, that is other than leases and having the money necessary to get the hell out of here. The biggest thing that I am lacking however, is the confidence to do something so mind fuckingly uncertain. The mere planning, or forethought before doing something so radical is keeping me from doing it. Hopefully I can get it done in a year or so, but I'll have to see what can be done.

Women confuse me. I will never profess to have an inkling of an understanding for them. Every one I meet is different, and thinks nothing like the previous. I would like to think that I'm pretty good about picking up on hints, or knowing when to make a move, do something drastic, but I swear this girl I know must assume I'm telepathic if she does like me, because I can not find any hints or, well, anything to indicate otherwise. Which hey, if that's the case, then awesome. I'm 100% cool with that but there is some kind of ambiguous tension between us, but never the hint I'd need, nor an opportunity created to really get the envelope pushed. In a decidedly comical fashion, I anticipate us getting liquored up soon and figuring things out in a certain state of inebriation. For what it's worth, I really don't even have time to be worrying about girls at all, and when it comes down to it, I'm quite alright either way with them, I can do my own thing quite comfortably. Just this ambiguous tension gets me, I'm not sure what to do. Oh well, in the next week things are almost guaranteed to work themselves out.

Oh well, I'll be alright, I always am. I'll figure something out with the job, and the girl, and things will get back to normal. I'll baseline, have a good time, and time will pass. It always does.

But when do I get to do something extraordinary. When will I be extraordinary. I want to do something big, something huge. I want to move mountains, to change the world, but all things have to start with a single step, in a single direction. I just don't know what direction. It feels as if I'm lost in a pool of opportunities, drowning but not knowing what way to swim. This applies to both my professional and personal lives. It kind of sucks.

But New York City, you've charmed me once. Please do it again. I know your lights will be bright, and your flames will burn fast, just give me that sweet, sweet rush I need. I've got to learn to be more irresponsible sometimes. I say my friends never consider the consequences of their actions, I think I do it too much.

It's time to go tripping the lights fantastic.