It's October Plus a Few

It would seem that I am just as bad at forming habits as I am at kicking them. I don't know how to handle this post. You see, my last post as I'm sure you can see was in June, and it kind of goes without saying that some stuff has happened since then. Met a few women, reconnected with a few others, made some good friends, moved in with a few of them. I am working the same job I was, which I suppose is a good thing. It's all experience for the resume, or so I imagine. If it ends up not being then this would seem silly, but that's not the kind of stuff we can afford to second guess.

I suppose the most logical thing here would be simply to re-examine my great experiment. I live in Austin, my address of record is in Austin. Sure I've only been here since June, but I live here. It is an odd feeling. I find myself thinking about home rather often, but I don't know if I'll ever live there again. It is not because I have found some paradise in Austin. This is just another city, but it's one I am experiencing. I imagine the thought that I had experienced what Dallas had to offer is what made me desire to move so much. I must admit that I did misprize the value of having family close to me, as I find myself often wishing I could simply drive over there for a night, and go to work the next morning. I guess this has to do with having not been home in a while, but it's not a big deal, I just would like to see them soon. So far my experiment is a success, and not only that it is far easier and less intimidating than I had imagined. I moved, big deal. I got a job, and moved to it. People do this damn near every day, so why was I so scared of it? Sure there is always the unknown to be scared about, but it really is not. What? The Unknown, regarded usually as a frightful thought, but only to some, and those people really just haven't figured it out. I had no clue if I would even be down here for a couple weeks, fail and go home, but I sure as hell wasn't going to find out if I hadn't done it. I did do it, and I so far have done well. It really wasn't even that much of an unknown, it was just unknown at the time. If you do not know something now, that doesn't guarantee you won't learn it. Just think about it. Sure it could all seem daunting at first, but you have time on your side, you'll figure it out. I now know the neighborhoods of the city, the highways, fun places to go, how to get to my friend's places, shit I have friends here, and a fair bunch of them. So what was I so worried about? Was I worried, or just excited? Hell I don't know, but I do know I'm okay.

Not everything is perfect, but it never will be. One could argue that meeting people of the opposite sex is difficult, but to be pretty frank I haven't put a whole lot of effort in to it. Well, problem solved, right? I don't know. I have some odd trepidations about the concept of a relationship in my life right now. It is actually a topic of much thought in my spare time, and not so spare time. I don't really feel compelled to put forth the effort to try to establish any relationship based on a couple of factors: I haven't met a single girl that I really think anything would work with, and that in order for it to work, she'd have to be okay with moving, because I will not be staying in this city for quite a long time. Hell if I can save enough money I might be moving next september when our lease is up. I guess the part that I find the most strange is my age. I'm twenty-five, a lot of people are getting married. There are chances that the long-term relationships I forge now could be the ones that are forever. Do I think they will? No. The people I might meet however, might. It is this odd several year transfer from what I label a student to an adult, that I realize the gravity of the situations I might be put in. Granted that those decisons are entirely up to me, as I am the master of mine own domain, but they still carry the weight if only internally associated with some major life events.

This is not a big enough issue to keep me up at night, haunt my dreams and so forth. It is merely a simple outlet for idle thought. Regardless of how much I worry about it, the most important fact is that it doesn't matter. Very little I can do will affect the outcome of these complications in life, it is best to do what comes naturally and just see what happens. Which is exactly what I'm doing, so rock the fuck on me.